Thursday, May 6, 2010
The Shitty City 
The tragic kingdom.


As hard as Gwen Stefani's 40 year-old abs: I have to commend my palsied faced friend Erin, as she really took on for Elle. She not only thanked Olivia for her obviously horrendous interview of Anna Sui backstage during fashion week, but did it so convincingly! Had it not been for the frozen look of hatred on the left side of her face, I would have actually thought she meant what she said to Olivia! 

Hipster out, hipster in: For the last two seasons, (really, two seasons of this madness?) I was thoroughly entertained with the filthy tramp named Jay, WhitWhit's Australian rocker/hipster/druggie ex-boyfriend. Fated from the very beginning, courtesy of MTV's brilliant writers, I enjoyed watching a girl from the Hills be haphazardly placed with a LES artistes and waiting for the obvious to dawn on the dimWhit: wild animals can't be tamed, and certainly not by blank stares and static brain activity. Insert Zack the "gorilla" photographer, who shoots naked people on subways. Only this time around, he's being set up as Roxy's love interest. 

Outside of the Jersey Shore, "the situation" is not okay: In fact, "the situation" is barely okay ON the Jersey Shore. When Zack feebly attempted to ask Roxy out by inquiring as to her "situation," I almost died laughing. What the hell is that? Is he trying to find out if she has rock-hard abs like OG Stefani? Or is he trying to find out if she has HPV (because lord knows I can't watch ANYTHING on online these days without being bombarded with HPV awareness commercials)? I need clarification on what exactly IS the situation -- and apparently Roxy does too because she had to ask her eternally single friend WhitWhit.

Real takk from the God: Kelly on presenting WhitWhit's "collection" to editors for press -- "basically this is like clothes waitressing [...] it's important to know who you are pitching to. Take Ladies Home Journal, target audience of women, 23 - 45, mom in middle America [picks up a multi-colored mini skirt and holds it out] she's probably not going anywhere in this anytime soon." <3

Olivia spits hot fire like Dy-lan in Chappelle's skit: I guess no one taught Roxy how to properly follow - up to a business email. I also guess no one taught Roxy how to ask for a favor. I'm going to have to give this one to Olivia, she served Roxy's unprofessional J Brand covered ass right back to her over the phone for having the gall to call an hour before the closing of WhitWhit's collection viewing especially since it's 1) not her job and 2) she's asking for a favor for someone she's not even friends with! It's a good thing Roxy doesn't really work for/at People's Revolution, I don't think that agency can handle anymore colossal fuck ups. 

Wait a minute: does Elle have ANY OTHER HALLWAYS IN THEIR BUILDING because if I have to see Olivia do her best Kate Moss to-and-from her desk each week, I might just have to kill myself. Please, MTV, shoot ANOTHER HALLWAY! You guys have pretty much 1st degree murdered this one. 

Olivia, you are not smarter than a 5th grader: In a city that houses Parsons, FIT, NYU and a shit-ton of wannabes from RISD and every other top fashion school in the country, let alone W O R L D, Olivia Palermo, self-professed New Yorker, was unable to find a SINGLE young, new and emerging designer to present at her meeting with Elle's staff. [blank stare]

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

llmmmmmaaaaooooo

Shoelosophy said...

hilarrr. thoroughly enjoyed reading this entry!!!

jolie jamie said...

I don't watch the show, but your recap is good! funnny girl!!
<3

snoblak said...

LMFAO!!! I have been trying to find the newer episodes ..uuugh damn Europe ! Your writing is hilarious. Kills me. I'll be looking for the points you made when I do manage to watch the episodes.

love it.
xxx

Amanda said...

I started a fashion blog too, I think you will like it. Check it out.

Sarah said...

Oh dear! I'm not familiar with the peeps you're talking about, my friend, but this does not sound good for them!! You're v entertaining. xx
http://equatorlive.com/weshop/

Cheryl Clarke said...

this is amazing! your blog is my new hotness. :) i follow you!

check me out some time.
http://cherylclarke.blogspot.com

J. said...

I don't watch very often...I can never seem to get the times right, but your reviews are hilarious! Olivia has a nice style but from the little I've seen, her personality drives me insane! (I secretly like it when she fu#4s up!)

MONAE. said...

lol I loved this post!!!

I hate olivia with a passion! WTH is her beef with Whitny and why can't she do her job? I also hate that Erin has to deal with her. And Roxy -_- :sighs: ...yeah her.

The CultureCynic said...

HAHAHHAHA. Brilliant!! i so want to meet you in real life, U R HILARIOUS!!!!!!! no need to watch the bloody show if i can get this rundown from toi. Your wit is sooo soooo SEXY!! keep it coming !!!!