THEQUEENOFHEARTS

STOP THE PRESSES

Style bloggers Kristin and Valerie of BleachBlack have a nail polish line. This is the  duo's second business venture, the first being their “wildly successful jewelry collab with Urban Outfitters." The first color from their line is called “Dickweed,” which is a combination of “Japanese Beetle Green” and “Malachite Stones with a hint of metallic shine.” Rrrrrrrrrright because when I hear the word “dickweed,” I think immediately think of Japanese beetles and malachite stones. Thankfully, Kristin attempts to harmonize my discord with, “[t]here’s too much blushy pink going on. Fashion has become too serious. We are honestly just fucking around and hav[ing] fun with this project.” I see. I think Ke$ha would remark the same about her music career.

 
Now, their kitschy line has a second color, aptly called “Jizz,” [blank stare] described as a “pearlescent, milky-white hue.” And in true form, top fashion blogger Rumi of Fashiontoast is photographed painting her nails with the imitation protein, packaged in a bottle for mass consumption.

I can’t say that I’m sold folks. I get that sex sells but this unmitigated marketing of commodities is ridiculous. What will the next color/name combination be -- Aunt Flow for a rich red with blackberry accents. Let’s stop expensing every single last aspect/thing in life for the almighty dollar, pretty please?